To a Fault
by mystearicas
Summary: Nezumi asks Inukashi for romantic advice. Needless to say, it does not go well. Nezumi/Shion.


**To a Fault**

Inukashi had been enjoying a perfectly fine afternoon until Nezumi had walked over, with his usual irritating smirk and an equally annoying jaunty wave. It had been a nice enough day that most of the dogs were dry, even though Shion wasn't helping her out today, and she had been very pleased the job had been done quickly. _Until _that man had to waltz in and ruin it all.

She threw down her towel and marched to meet him. "What do you want,_ Nezumi_?" she demanded abruptly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"Awfully touchy today…no wonder you don't have a lover, especially with a face like that," he taunted, dodging her hand as she reached out to smack him.

"What do you want?" she asked again, stepping back to glare. "You look weird today, I don't want you contaminating this place with some disease…"

He shrugged, abruptly turning serious. "You're certainly one to talk. But I didn't come here just to annoy you today. I want to know something,"

"How much you paying?" she asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. She knew well enough that that ponytailed bastard wasn't the kind to ask for the kind of knowledge one gave away for _free_, after all.

"Don't worry, it's not _that_ kind of information," he answered, suddenly looking a little nervous. In fact his cheeks were (was she mistaken?) tinted with _pink_ as he glanced away from her, dark bangs falling over his slate-colored eyes.

She grinned, the reason behind his unusual embarrassment suddenly illuminated. "Aha! This is about Shion, isn't it?" she cried, pointing an accusing finger in his direction. "Worried he found a girlfriend in town, eh? I don't think you have to worry, if he turned down that whore, he probably—"

"It's not about Shion," Nezumi interrupted loudly (a little _too _loudly), and Inukashi paused in her analysis of Shion's sexual life (or lack thereof). But that suspicious coloring in his cheeks hadn't left, and her brow wrinkled in confusion.

Then she shrugged, turning back toward the fountain in disinterest. "What, _you _found a girl in town? Gonna break the kid's heart so soon? I always knew you were a bastard, Nezu—"

"What exactly is the best way to confess to someone?"

"Well, I'd say to get a nice hotel room and cozy it up and maybe get some chocolate…" she blinked, turning back to Nezumi in surprise, noticing his dark look for the first time. "Err, wait, are you serious?"

He curled his lip in the most unattractive manner (sometimes Inukashi couldn't believe anyone could stand him, regardless of his pretty face). "I assure you, I wouldn't ask you if I weren't," he replied through gritted teeth.

Ordinarily, she would be rolling on the floor at this point, but Nezumi looked like he was two seconds away from pulling out his knife, so she tried to be serious. "Um, well…is it a guy or a girl?" she asked awkwardly, taking a seat at the edge of the old fountain's edge.

"A guy," was the short response.

She blinked. "Seriously? I can't say I'm that surprised though, given the dress and makeup and—" she broke of, realization dawning for the second time. "It's _Shion _isn't it?" she glanced up at him, and really _did_ burst into laughter at the telling look on his face.

"Your lack of decorum is appalling," he said with awful coldness, looking down at her with disgust, which ordinarily would have made her angry, but now just brought on another round of giggles.

She waved a hand weakly after a moment or two. "All right, all right, I'm done," she assured him, hiccuping into silence. "So, er, not that I can't help, but…why exactly would you come to me?"

"Who _else _am I supposed to ask?" he complained. "And he spends most days with you anyway, you must know him at least somewhat,"

"Yeah, well, I think he's the kind of guy who'd be pleased with a bed of roses on a moonlit night, but I don't know the first thing about this crap, sorry to disappoint," she tugged on a stray strand of hair thoughtfully. "Why don't you throw on that dress and take him for a spin?"

Nezumi looked like he was trying very hard not to lose his temper. "No,"

"Well, I don't think he's the type to figure it out from a couple of hints, if you know what I mean. How about just plain _kissing_?" she suggested.

"We've done that. Several times,"

"I'm not talking about the cheek or anything, loverboy. I mean full on, tongue-and-all—oh god the mental images—but you get the point,"

"Yeah, that too," Nezumi replied, taking a seat next to Inukashi with a long-suffering air about him. "Well, not the tongue thing, but…"

She stared at him. "Are you saying he still doesn't get it, after all that?"

"Well, the first time he was being dramatic, but after that it was, well…" Nezumi made some gestures in the air with his hands, which Inukashi took to mean that Shion hadn't found them romantic in the least.

"Wow…I always knew he was thick, but…" she shook her head in awe. "That's like a whole new level of stupid," she looked at him thoughtfully. "You could try what that girl did, and ask him head on,"

The man snorted. "I'm not _that _tactless," he said dismissively.

"Well, you _are _coming to me for advice…but I see your point," she said, shrugging. "Why don't you just _tell _him?"

He sighed, looking annoyed. "Easier said than done,"

She laughed, loud and boisterously. "Man up, why don't you? Weren't you supposed to be that ruthless bastard who wants to watch No.6 wither slowly and die painfully? Talking can't be much compared to that, can it?" she got to her feet, stretching as she did so.

"You'd be surprised," he muttered too low for her to hear, and got to his feet, looking toward the sun, which was creeping toward late afternoon. "I suppose I'll be home early tonight, then,"

"Good luck with your _girl_," she returned, a delighted grin on her face, waving at his back, and he paused, suddenly remembering a certain something…

Icy eyes narrowed at the dogkeeper, and Nezumi pointed one accusatory finger, calling, "One word of this to anyone, and I will _personally _ensure you have a long and painful death,"

"Of course," she took a little bow, brown hair swinging with her. "I would never betray My Lady's most secret confidences," she mocked.

Apparently satisfied (and too tired to attempt murder), he turned and swung over the little hill separating the hotel from the home he shared with Shion, refusing to listen to her laughter echo after him as he walked.

She was rather surprised when he turned up early the next morning (Shion was due that day, but hadn't arrived yet). "Here for more _love _advice, eh?" she asked, ushering her dogs out into the yard for their grooming.

"I tried telling him," he told her, eyes daring her to laugh. "He thought I meant it as _friends,"_ he had a very pained expression on his face at this.

She swung a towel over her shoulder with a wide grin on her face, carefully keeping her face composed as she turned to answer. "I never said I knew anything about love, did I?" she shrugged. "Better try asking one of your actor friends next time, maybe they'll have flashier ideas than I do,"

Inwardly, she was laughing harder than she had yesterday. It was great fun to watch Nezumi struggle with his romance problems, way better than any theater production…all for the price of Nezumi's halfhearted attempts to injure her…

"You know, you're right. It was silly of me to ask a _stupid mutt, _wasn't it?" the boy returned nonchalantly, turning away with the most casual of movements as she lunged for him.

He grabbed the offending hand just in time as she tripped forward, turning to face him with a hissed, "You take that back, you sonofa—"

"Are you two at it again, so early?" came a new voice, and the two of them turned, watching as Shion innocently sidled up to the pair, brown eyes laughing. "You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you two were _almost_ like quarreling lovers," (Except for the whole trying-to-kill-each-other thing, but Shion had read about that kind of thing blooming into romance in books, so it wasn't _totally _impossible, right?)

Nezumi put his face in his hands as Inukashi stared, dumbfounded.

"I see your problem," she said finally, turning to the dark-haired boy with a sigh. "He really _is_ a whole new level of stupid,"

* * *

><p><em>Written at one in the morning, so please excuse the nonsense. ...I really have no idea.<em>


End file.
